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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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7 Most Annoying Things Your Coworkers Do Every Day

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Although he’s been warned many times—countless times, in fact—simply refuses to stop vamping during the bridge.
Turns his guitar way up so you can’t even hear the vocals in the monitor. How are we supposed to get a good blend if all we hear is his fucking guitar?
Constantly act like the band is a duo when, last time we checked, it was a fucking five-piece. Read the liner notes, dickheads.
Claims he still deserves a writing credit on three songs from Pump.
Is considered the “one the girls love.” But why? Because he looks like a weird girl? Why would a girl be attracted to an old man who looks like a weird girl? It makes no sense.
Tells people Permanent Vacation is our best album.
Insists on overshadowing the rhythm guitar, even when our whole sound is predicated on a twin guitar assault. Honestly, at this point, Joe, just let the sound engineers do their job and stick to strumming your little guitar or bass or whatever you fucking think you can play this week. That way Steven can sing what’s left of his heart out, the fans can eat all the bullshit up, and we can move on with our goddamn day. Christ.

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