7 Most Annoying Things Your Coworkers Do Every Day

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Obama Returns From Trade Summit With 5 Stout Ships Full Of Cardamom, Silk, And Indigo

WASHINGTON— Exhausted, berimed with salt, and haggard from his long sea journey, but nevertheless triumphant as he guided his fleet to port following the completion of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, President Barack Obama is said to have made harbor in Washington, D.C.’s anchorage Monday, his five sturdy galleons choked to the very gunwales with the finest silks, casks of redolent cardamom, and great cakes of vivid dye-of-indigo retrieved from the far Orient.

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‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

7 Most Annoying Things Your Coworkers Do Every Day

Although he’s been warned many times—countless times, in fact—simply refuses to stop vamping during the bridge.
Turns his guitar way up so you can’t even hear the vocals in the monitor. How are we supposed to get a good blend if all we hear is his fucking guitar?
Constantly act like the band is a duo when, last time we checked, it was a fucking five-piece. Read the liner notes, dickheads.
Claims he still deserves a writing credit on three songs from Pump.
Is considered the “one the girls love.” But why? Because he looks like a weird girl? Why would a girl be attracted to an old man who looks like a weird girl? It makes no sense.
Tells people Permanent Vacation is our best album.
Insists on overshadowing the rhythm guitar, even when our whole sound is predicated on a twin guitar assault. Honestly, at this point, Joe, just let the sound engineers do their job and stick to strumming your little guitar or bass or whatever you fucking think you can play this week. That way Steven can sing what’s left of his heart out, the fans can eat all the bullshit up, and we can move on with our goddamn day. Christ.