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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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8 Of The Hottest Celebs Without Their Flesh

Dermal papillae, schmermal papillae—Mila Kunis doesn’t need an epidermis to turn heads. This perennial sex kitten sizzles in this casual, flesh-free look.
K-Stew, is that you? This stunning screen siren looks more pooped than perky without her trademark subcutaneous tissue and dermis. Kristen nails it when she gets dolled up, but without her mucus membranes and malar pads, this bombshell beauty made a major faux pas.
Explain to us how this Latina starlet looks better without her flesh. Un. Fair. Eva Mendes dazzles in nothing but bone and cardiac muscle. Mix those genes with some Gosling, and we can’t wait to see the dermis on that baby.
If this is what 34 and pregnant looks like, we can’t hardly wait to see how this fabulous former teen heartthrob looks when she hits the big 4-0! Even in nothing but her skeletal striated muscles, you can’t deny Jennifer Love Hewitt’s a timeless beauty.
Even Hollywood’s most fit and fabulous stars opt to go without skin every once in a while! Case in point: Beyoncé and Jay Z, fresh-faced and fleshless in Brooklyn.
Proud papa Liev Schrieber teaching his son that real men are comfortable skinless.
At 78 years old, wearing skin isn’t something Dame Dench worries about anymore.
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