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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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8 RIDICULOUSLY HOT Photos Of Beyonce At The Super Bowl

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Unfortunately, although we promised a slideshow of sizzling hot pictures of pop singer Beyoncé at the Super Bowl Halftime Show, the editorial department of The Onion was not able to complete this slideshow in time. The Onion would like to offer its sincere apologies for putting up this link anyway for you to click on.
As you are no doubt aware, a Beyoncé slideshow would have maximized our web traffic and provided an enjoyable diversion for the reader, but we encountered a number of setbacks. For one thing, finding high-resolution photos of pop singer Beyoncé for licensed editorial use is not cheap, especially using our particular stock photo service provider.
Secondly, sorting through said photos, picking the most sizzling ones, and writing applicable and succinctly worded captions for said sizzling photos was, perhaps, more of a labor-intensive task than The Onion had initially anticipated. This is why you do not see a photo of the pop singer Beyoncé right now.
Again, there are NO PHOTOS of pop singer Beyoncé anywhere in this slideshow. None. You may continue clicking through like this if you wish, but at no point will a photo of pop singer Beyoncé appear, just so you know. On this you have our assurance.
Look, were we in the wrong for putting up a slideshow link at all, considering the aforementioned lack of Beyoncé photos? Perhaps, but at this point the decision to continue clicking through this slideshow is on you. This is happening because you are making it happen. Understand?
Here is a photo of TV legend Alan Alda. We had the photo lying around, and we figured that while a photo of TV legend Alan Alda is most definitely not a photo of pop singer Beyoncé, it is still better than no photo at all. We hope you agree.
Perhaps putting up a photo of TV legend Alan Alda may have misled the reader into believing there would be, if not photos of pop singer Beyoncé, at least other photos of TV legend Alan Alda. Or any other photos at all. That is not the case. There are no more photos in this slideshow. Again, our sincerest apologies.
At this point, The Onion would like to thank you for clicking this far. You’ve given us more web traffic, and for this we are grateful. That being said, we find your motivation to continue clicking on blank slideshows not only peculiar but also somewhat sick and unhealthy. You should think about your behavior and reassess what, if anything, you are doing with your life.

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