8 RIDICULOUSLY HOT Photos Of Beyonce At The Super Bowl

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Vol 49 Issue 06

Tips For A Romantic Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Here are some tips for putting together the perfect romantic evening with your loved one: Make his favorite home-cooked meal and leave a trail of it leading to the bed. If you forgot to buy her flowers, ...

Song Crafted In The Deepest Pit Of Hell Wins Big At Grammys

LOS ANGELES—A song forged by the Ruler of Darkness himself in the blackest bowels of the accursed underworld proved to be the big winner at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards Sunday, taking home an impressive six of the music industry’s top honors, including Song of the Year and Best Pop Solo Performance.

SeaWorld Unveils New 20 Whales Stuffed In Pool Show

A PR firm advises the United States to distance itself from Alabama, the FDA announces peanut butter contains traces of rat feces but life's weird like that sometimes, and a doomed rabbit teaches an 8-year-old about responsibility.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Comfort

  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

8 RIDICULOUSLY HOT Photos Of Beyonce At The Super Bowl

Unfortunately, although we promised a slideshow of sizzling hot pictures of pop singer Beyoncé at the Super Bowl Halftime Show, the editorial department of The Onion was not able to complete this slideshow in time. The Onion would like to offer its sincere apologies for putting up this link anyway for you to click on.
As you are no doubt aware, a Beyoncé slideshow would have maximized our web traffic and provided an enjoyable diversion for the reader, but we encountered a number of setbacks. For one thing, finding high-resolution photos of pop singer Beyoncé for licensed editorial use is not cheap, especially using our particular stock photo service provider.
Secondly, sorting through said photos, picking the most sizzling ones, and writing applicable and succinctly worded captions for said sizzling photos was, perhaps, more of a labor-intensive task than The Onion had initially anticipated. This is why you do not see a photo of the pop singer Beyoncé right now.
Again, there are NO PHOTOS of pop singer Beyoncé anywhere in this slideshow. None. You may continue clicking through like this if you wish, but at no point will a photo of pop singer Beyoncé appear, just so you know. On this you have our assurance.
Look, were we in the wrong for putting up a slideshow link at all, considering the aforementioned lack of Beyoncé photos? Perhaps, but at this point the decision to continue clicking through this slideshow is on you. This is happening because you are making it happen. Understand?
Here is a photo of TV legend Alan Alda. We had the photo lying around, and we figured that while a photo of TV legend Alan Alda is most definitely not a photo of pop singer Beyoncé, it is still better than no photo at all. We hope you agree.
Perhaps putting up a photo of TV legend Alan Alda may have misled the reader into believing there would be, if not photos of pop singer Beyoncé, at least other photos of TV legend Alan Alda. Or any other photos at all. That is not the case. There are no more photos in this slideshow. Again, our sincerest apologies.
At this point, The Onion would like to thank you for clicking this far. You’ve given us more web traffic, and for this we are grateful. That being said, we find your motivation to continue clicking on blank slideshows not only peculiar but also somewhat sick and unhealthy. You should think about your behavior and reassess what, if anything, you are doing with your life.
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