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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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9 MUST-FOLLOW Al-Qaeda Leaders On Twitter

Khalid al-Habib (@The_REAL_KhalidAlHabib): A big name in social media circles as well as the Afghan war front, al-Qaeda’s top field commander is known for his ongoing Twitter feuds with moderate Shiites, the Muslim Brotherhood, and the 9/11 Truth movement.
Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah (@abdullahsquared): The architect of embassy bombings in Dar es Salaam and Nairobi, this veteran al-Qaeda head has just recently joined Twitter, and his tweets are already making a big splash—he’s routinely RTed by such Twitter megastars as @Shaq and @aplusk.
Abu Hasan al-Yemeni (@AbuLoves9_11): A true social media success story, this previous unknown was discovered on Twitter by al-Qaeda and hired on the spot for his radical anti-Western rants and popular Vine videos of infidel beheadings.
Abu Sufyan al-Azdi (@InfidelKillah): This Arabian Peninsula number two is credited with creating the wildly popular Twitter hashtags #YouMightBeAZionistDog and #ShariaLiving, though he curiously has not posted since January.
Abu Yahya al-Libi (@MrMujahideen): Al-Libi’s insights on IED-making and the current season of Mad Men have repeatedly landed him on “Best Tweets” lists on the Huffington Post, Happy Place, BloodOfHolyMartyrs.com, and Yahoo.
Andrew Parker (@AndrewNathanParker88): This citizen from the American heartland has steadily risen the ranks of al-Qaeda, making frequent cryptic remarks about the blood of believers and infidels mingling in holy fire on August 18.
Saif Al Nahari (@caliphatboy): Kandahar Province represent! Al Nahari is proof that when it comes to breeding holy Twitter warriors, this southern Afghan region has it all over Riyadh.
Jamal Ahmad Mohammad Al Badawi (@JAMABADAWI): His tweets may be very, ahem, opinionated, but that’s what we love about this Yemeni al-Qaeda associate who helped plan the 2000 USS Cole bombing!
Larry Ellison (@larryellison): The Oracle CEO and high-ranking al-Qaeda operative is just as well-known for his multi-billion-dollar tech empire as his incisive, biting tweets urging the world’s militant Islamists to rise up and purge the world of the Western infidels.
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