9 Things Introverts Do All The Time

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Vol 49 Issue 35

Tough Season - Preview

Tough Season returns with a gritty, hard-hitting look inside the fantasy football locker room of Brad’s Awesome Team.

The Case For And Against Intervening In Syria

While the Obama administration has been considering an armed intervention in Syria following the gassing deaths of hundreds of Syrian civilians, a vocal movement in Congress and among the general public has emerged in opposition of any U.S.

Courtroom Artist Clearly Infatuated With Bailiff

The Syria conflict intensifies as bears enter the war, a report shows that millions of courageous Americans are overcoming the media pressure to be thin, and the nation’s single men announce a plan to change their bedsheets by 2019.

50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria

According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a purported chemical weapons attack by the government of Bashar al-Assad, compared to 42 percent who support military action.
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9 Things Introverts Do All The Time

Introverts don’t need to go out to have fun. They’re perfectly fine spending Friday night at home alone watching movies like Zodiac starring Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right featuring Mark Ruffalo, skipping to all the Mark Ruffalo scenes in Shutter Island, or simply rereading The Progressive’s April 2012 interview with actor Mark Ruffalo.
Many introverts love photography.
Other introverts enjoy writing, which is why they send Mark Ruffalo three letters a day, except Wednesdays when they send him seven because that’s the day of the week he was born on.
Introverts tend to be very good listeners, which is why they can tell Mark Ruffalo is speaking directly to them in every interview he gives.
Introverts don’t have hundreds of close friends. All they need is one: Mark Ruffalo.
If you’ve been driving closely behind Mark Ruffalo’s car for the past hour, you’re probably an introvert. You’re also probably an introvert if you’re following him into his driveway.
Remember: Opposites attract! Mark Ruffalo is an extrovert, which means introverts like having him tied up with rope in their basements completely naked and drizzling baby oil on him.
Most introverts wouldn’t like it if Mark Ruffalo was with them and started screaming for help. Screaming might attract attention. Introverts don’t like attention. Introverts need Mark Ruffalo to shut up right now.
Oh Jesus. Oh my God. Introverts killed Mark Ruffalo. They fucking killed him! They didn’t mean to go that far! Now introverts are going to have to burn it all down. Burn it all down.
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