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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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A Pope Remembered

Pope Admits: "God Ain't Said Shit To Me"
Vatican Unveils New Pope Signal
Pope Calls For Greater Understanding Between Catholics, Hellbound
Pope Condemns Three More Glands
Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status Of World's Meek: "Screw The Meek," Says Pope
Aging Pope "Just Blessing Everything In Sight," Handlers Say
Vatican Warns Against Increasingly Healthy Attitudes Towards Sex
Pope Asks To Be Taken Off List Of World’s 100 Richest People
Excited Catholics Already Lining Up For Pope's Funeral
Pope Forgives Molested Children
Pope John Paul II: 25 Years Of Laughs

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