A Pope Remembered

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Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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A Pope Remembered

Pope Admits: "God Ain't Said Shit To Me"
Vatican Unveils New Pope Signal
Pope Calls For Greater Understanding Between Catholics, Hellbound
Pope Condemns Three More Glands
Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status Of World's Meek: "Screw The Meek," Says Pope
Aging Pope "Just Blessing Everything In Sight," Handlers Say
Vatican Warns Against Increasingly Healthy Attitudes Towards Sex
Pope Asks To Be Taken Off List Of World’s 100 Richest People
Excited Catholics Already Lining Up For Pope's Funeral
Pope Forgives Molested Children
Pope John Paul II: 25 Years Of Laughs


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