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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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A Pope Remembered

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Pope Admits: "God Ain't Said Shit To Me"
Vatican Unveils New Pope Signal
Pope Calls For Greater Understanding Between Catholics, Hellbound
Pope Condemns Three More Glands
Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status Of World's Meek: "Screw The Meek," Says Pope
Aging Pope "Just Blessing Everything In Sight," Handlers Say
Vatican Warns Against Increasingly Healthy Attitudes Towards Sex
Pope Asks To Be Taken Off List Of World’s 100 Richest People
Excited Catholics Already Lining Up For Pope's Funeral
Pope Forgives Molested Children
Pope John Paul II: 25 Years Of Laughs

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