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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Action Heroes

Heroic Secret Service Agent Takes Question Intended For Bush
Ex-Cop Drawn Into Web Of Intrigue And Deceit By Frequently Naked Woman
Kickboxer, Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, To Continue In A Moment
Terrorist Bomb Not Defused In Thrilling, Suspense-Packed Final Minutes
Hong Kong Leaders Make Desperate Plea To Jackie Chan
Six-Year-Old's Birthday Party Hampered By 85,000 Gallons of Combustible Fuel Oil
Military Promises 'Huge Numbers' For Gulf War II: The Vengeance
Upcoming Los Angeles Earthquake 'Will Be Huge,' Insiders Say
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