Action Heroes

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Action Heroes

Heroic Secret Service Agent Takes Question Intended For Bush
Ex-Cop Drawn Into Web Of Intrigue And Deceit By Frequently Naked Woman
Kickboxer, Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, To Continue In A Moment
Terrorist Bomb Not Defused In Thrilling, Suspense-Packed Final Minutes
Hong Kong Leaders Make Desperate Plea To Jackie Chan
Six-Year-Old's Birthday Party Hampered By 85,000 Gallons of Combustible Fuel Oil
Military Promises 'Huge Numbers' For Gulf War II: The Vengeance
Upcoming Los Angeles Earthquake 'Will Be Huge,' Insiders Say


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close