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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Airline Industry

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New Strain Of Jet Lag Devastates Airline Industry
133 Dead As Delta Cancels Flight In Midair
FAA To Require Longer Fuses on Commercial Planes
Frequent Flyer Knows Out-Of-The-Way Airport Bar That's Never Crowded
Terrorist Extremely Annoyed By Delayed Flight
TWA Flight 800 Rebuilt, Ready To Return To Air
Airport Security Pig Finds Concealed Truffles
Baggage-Handling Mix-Up Sends Dirty Bomb To St. Louis
ValuJet Cleared To Resume Flights To Ocean Floor
NASA Chief Under Fire For Personal Shuttle Use

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