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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Commuting

Report: 98 Percent Of U.S. Commuters Favor Public Transportation For Others
Senate Carpool 'Forgets' To Pick Up Feingold Again
133 Dead As Delta Cancels Flight In Midair
Chrysler Halts Production Of Neckbelts
Local Motorist Urged To Free Tibet
New Anger-Powered Cars May Revolutionize The Way We Drive
Urban Planner Stuck In Traffic Of Own Design

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