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Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

Flashback! 8 Mind-Blowing Photos Of Jessica Alba Before She Was Famous

Everyone recognizes Jessica Alba from her extensive work in television and on the silver screen, but did you know that long before the Hollywood bombshell made it big in the entertainment world she was actually Husrev Tevetoğlu, an elderly Turkish man?
Before she wowed audiences around the world in such films as Sin City and Machete, Jessica was a lifelong native of Turkey, having been born and raised in the eastern city of Erzurum in 1928. Here she is enjoying a cup of fine Turkish coffee in Yakutiye Park.
Years before she caught her big break as the lead in James Cameron’s sci-fi television series Dark Angel, Jessica was an aficionado of Turkish classical music. She became a lifelong fan of composer Ulvi Cemal Erkin after seeing his orchestra at Festival Hall in Ankara.
Jessica was also a talented musician in her own right. Friends and neighbors would frequently come over to her home to eat imam bayildi and listen to the the future Teen Choice Award winner play such classic Turkish folk songs as “Al Gul Ile Kirmizi Gul” and “Hey Goklere.”
Ms. Alba was a devoted family man. Though her first wife, Fatima, tragically passed away in 1973 after a prolonged illness, the Fantastic Four star eventually remarried Mujde Sezgin (pictured), with whom she had two children, Tarkan and Mihri.
Before Jessica hit the big time, she was an avid fitness buff. She ran the Istanbul Marathon every year until landing a recurring role on Nickelodeon’s The Secret World Of Alex Mack.
Jessica suffered from obstructive sleep apnea—a common condition among aging men—which forced FHM’s Hottest Woman Alive (2007) to wear this nocturnal breathing apparatus for most of her adult life.
Sadly, Jessica eventually was forced to choose between her life in Turkey and the world of possibility offered by the motion picture industry, ultimately choosing to bid farewell to her beloved home and set off to conquer Tinseltown. Though her friends and family are proud of all she has accomplished in America, they frequently reminisce about their beloved Husrev.

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