After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Handsomest Sons Of 2013

Robert: Such a nice smile. We don’t know why he doesn’t smile more.
Joshua: Joshua really sprouted up this summer. He’s taller than his dad!
Braden: Look at that face. You could eat that face. Couldn’t you just eat that beautiful little face?
Ethan: Goodness, Ethan!
Nathan: And who is this handsome man? Is that Nathan? Bless my soul, I swear I thought it was Clark Gable. Oh, Nathan, look at you.
Christopher: Christopher is such a handsome, polite young man, his face has a lot of character, and if the other kids at school can’t see that, then it’s their loss.
Thomas: Can you believe Thomas is almost a teenager? He’ll have to start fighting off the girls soon!
Noah: Ever since he learned how to crawl, family members agreed that Noah was the handsomest boy in the whole world. We hope he stays safe over there in Afghanistan.

After Birth

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