Handsomest Sons Of 2013

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

The Pros And Cons Of Co-Sleeping

The act of co-sleeping, where babies and toddlers share a “family bed” with their parents, is a rising trend in the United States, though the practice is contested by those who doubt its purported benefits. Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

Halloween gives revelers a chance to receive candy all over the neighborhood. Here are some tips to make sure you get the most out of your experience and take home a big haul.
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Handsomest Sons Of 2013

Robert: Such a nice smile. We don’t know why he doesn’t smile more.
Joshua: Joshua really sprouted up this summer. He’s taller than his dad!
Braden: Look at that face. You could eat that face. Couldn’t you just eat that beautiful little face?
Ethan: Goodness, Ethan!
Nathan: And who is this handsome man? Is that Nathan? Bless my soul, I swear I thought it was Clark Gable. Oh, Nathan, look at you.
Christopher: Christopher is such a handsome, polite young man, his face has a lot of character, and if the other kids at school can’t see that, then it’s their loss.
Thomas: Can you believe Thomas is almost a teenager? He’ll have to start fighting off the girls soon!
Noah: Ever since he learned how to crawl, family members agreed that Noah was the handsomest boy in the whole world. We hope he stays safe over there in Afghanistan.

After Birth Video

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