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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Health & Fitness

Workout Routine Broken Down For Coworker
Area Man An Avid Weightgainer
Oprah Celebrates 20,000th Pound Lost
Health-Club Employee Stops Going To Work After Two Weeks
Nation's Joggers Sick Of Finding Dead Bodies
Nobel Prize Committee Adds 'Most Ripped Abs' Category
Area Man Training For Upcoming Sanford And Son Marathon

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