In God We Trust: The All-Time Sexiest Dimes

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Vol 49 Issue 20

Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the fes...

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama’s second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists’ phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last S...

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made him long for the deeply frustrating, often maddening political climate o...

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

WASHINGTON—Reacting to the number of major scandals currently plaguing the White House, a somewhat confused American populace told reporters Friday that yeah, sure, they’re totally outraged or whatever about what’s currently going on in ...

Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013
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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

In God We Trust: The All-Time Sexiest Dimes

This little stunner might only be 1/10 of a dollar, but she’s got 100% of our attention.
This baby must be fresh out of the mint because it’s scorching hot.
91.67% copper. Voluptuous 17-millimeter frame. Um, is it hot in here, or is it just us?
Just think: Some lucky bastard gets to walk around with this sultry specimen in his pocket.
It’s hard not to be jealous of this timeless beauty. Sixty-seven years old and this dime still rocks a killer figure. Case in point: those gorgeous denticles.
The U.S. Mint must have had sex on the brain when they printed this dime. How can you explain that knockout rim and swoon-worthy bas-relief?
If the tails side of this dime is as sexy as its obverse side, you can bet we’re going to go crazy on this dime.
Is it wrong to fantasize about bedding this dime?
The quintessential dime next door. Olive branch + torch + oak branch = we need a cold shower.
Sorry, folks, but this dime is taken.
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