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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Notable Female Writers Throughout History

Jane Austen died 200 years ago today, but she continues to be widely read and influential to today’s writers. The Onion highlights some of the most notable female authors throughout history.
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Old El Paso Introduces Emergency Taco Kit
Genetically Modified Chicken Lays Its Own Dipping Sauce
Nabisco Introduces X-treme Salt-Assault Saltines
New Swiss Army Phone May Pose Health Risks
Mesquite BBQ Visine Selling Poorly Outside Texas
Michelin Introduces Tires For Women
Sprite Introduces Cola-Flavored Sprite
Proctor & Gamble Introduces Home Menstruation Test
Speed Stick Now Available In Neapolitan
New ‘Toastables’ Offers Microwavable Pre-Toasted Bread
Sales Of Guys Gone Wild Video Disappointing
New Ronco Food Exposer Spoils Food Overnight
New Ford SUV Holds Eight Passengers And Their SUVs
New Grill To Revive Forman-Ali Rivalry
General Motors Reports Record Sales Of New Disposable Car
Cottonelle Introduces New ‘Piping-Hot’ Toilet Tissue
Denny's Introduces 'Just A Humongous Bucket Of Eggs And Meat'
New Spiritually Correct Doll Lets Children Show Where And How Jesus Touched Them
Funyuns Still Outselling Responsibilityuns
Nabisco Discontinues Wheat Thicks
New Toxic Waste By-Product Contains No Fat
World Hunger: Can New Frito-Lay Zestitos Solve The Problem?
Home Homosexuality Test Now available
New Aspershirt Relieves Torso Pain
McDonald’s Unveils New All-Beef Bun

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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