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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Old El Paso Introduces Emergency Taco Kit
Genetically Modified Chicken Lays Its Own Dipping Sauce
Nabisco Introduces X-treme Salt-Assault Saltines
New Swiss Army Phone May Pose Health Risks
Mesquite BBQ Visine Selling Poorly Outside Texas
Michelin Introduces Tires For Women
Sprite Introduces Cola-Flavored Sprite
Proctor & Gamble Introduces Home Menstruation Test
Speed Stick Now Available In Neapolitan
New ‘Toastables’ Offers Microwavable Pre-Toasted Bread
Sales Of Guys Gone Wild Video Disappointing
New Ronco Food Exposer Spoils Food Overnight
New Ford SUV Holds Eight Passengers And Their SUVs
New Grill To Revive Forman-Ali Rivalry
General Motors Reports Record Sales Of New Disposable Car
Cottonelle Introduces New ‘Piping-Hot’ Toilet Tissue
Denny's Introduces 'Just A Humongous Bucket Of Eggs And Meat'
New Spiritually Correct Doll Lets Children Show Where And How Jesus Touched Them
Funyuns Still Outselling Responsibilityuns
Nabisco Discontinues Wheat Thicks
New Toxic Waste By-Product Contains No Fat
World Hunger: Can New Frito-Lay Zestitos Solve The Problem?
Home Homosexuality Test Now available
New Aspershirt Relieves Torso Pain
McDonald’s Unveils New All-Beef Bun
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