adBlockCheck

Local

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark

‘You Would Have To Meet Him,’ Millions Say

WASHINGTON—Saying you’d understand what they were talking about the moment you laid eyes on him, the entire nation reported Monday that it was kind of hard to describe Mark and you’d just have to meet him.

Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night

CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters reported Thursday that, shit, last night was trash night.
End Of Section
  • More News

Lives Cut Short By The Fire

Advertisement
6-year-old Moxie loved to run and dig when he was not suffering debilitating seizures.
Rory the arthritic German Shepherd thought every passing car might be the Rogers family station wagon.
Even after Miss Frida struggled walking, she could still give the sweetest doggy kisses.
The Dickerson family's lab is said to have reached an internal temperature of 850 degrees.
Captain Jack liked to sleep on the big piles of hay and imagine it was his old friend Billy's lap.
15-year-old Lacey's dual cataracts caused her to scurry blindly right into the inferno.
Waldorf, the Saint Bernard sent to the farm by the Garcia family, narrowly survived a house fire in 2003.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close