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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Our Judicial System

Michael Jackson Hires Magical Anthropomorphic Giraffe As Defense Lawyer
Federal Court Orders Cosmopolitan To Reveal Beauty Secrets
Federal Judge Rules Parker Brothers Holds Monopoly Monopoly
Supreme Court Told To Take Down Tip Jar
Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality
Judge Hatchett Ruling Overturned By Judge Joe Brown
Supreme Court Rules Restaurant Patron Must Try This Cheesecake
Court Summons Comes With 1,025 Free Hours Of AOL
Lawyer Friend Makes Strong Case For Nachos
Supreme Court Overturns Car
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