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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Political Campaigns

Barack Obama Tiger Beat Cover Clinches Slumber Party Vote
Senate Candidate Drops Out Of Race Due To Shyness
Kerry: Stem-Cell Research May Hold Cure To Ailing Campaign
Dove Campaign For Real Beauty Announces 2008 Presidential Candidate
Mysterious Congressman Challenges Leading Candidates To Debate At Dawn
Kerry Makes Whistle-Stop Tour From Deck Of Yacht
Gore Delivers Emergency Presidential Address Into Bathroom Mirror
Bush Re-Election Campaign Creates Thousands Of New Jobs

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