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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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REWIND! 10 Sharp Knives That Scarred You For Life

That sturdy black handle, the 10-inch blade, that glinting serrated edge—that’s gotta take you right back!
Bet you think about this one every time you look at that long cut on your shoulder blade, eh?
SLASH! This one still gets us every time!
Remember this little guy? How you thought it couldn’t break the skin?
Give me your fucking wallet! Just kidding. Classic knife, though.
This one definitely left its mark on our wrists.
How could you ever forget old plaintiff’s exhibit 10?
Don’t remember this guy? Think hard. Hot July day, your kitchen, the screen door shutting as everyone except you went outside. Come on, you remember—staring down at your hands, slipping on the floor moments later as you ran out to tell mom. Is it coming back now?
Sure, you were just scarred by this one last week, but it still counts.
Yup, there she is. Bet you didn’t think your stepdad had it in him, did you?
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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