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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Safety

Consumer Safety Commission Fondly Recalls Stretch Armstrong Doll
Orange Alert Sirens To Blow 24 Hours A Day In Major Cities
DMV Reconsidering 'One For the Road' Driver Relaxation Campaign
Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason
8-Year-Old Can't Understand Why He Isn't Allowed On Roof
Surgeon General Issues Report On Dangers Of Secondhand Fire
Earth To Be Made Child-Safe
Police Race To Scene Of Car Alarm
Child-Safety Experts Call For Restrictions On Childhood Imagination

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