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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Consumer Safety Commission Fondly Recalls Stretch Armstrong Doll
Orange Alert Sirens To Blow 24 Hours A Day In Major Cities
DMV Reconsidering 'One For the Road' Driver Relaxation Campaign
Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason
8-Year-Old Can't Understand Why He Isn't Allowed On Roof
Surgeon General Issues Report On Dangers Of Secondhand Fire
Earth To Be Made Child-Safe
Police Race To Scene Of Car Alarm
Child-Safety Experts Call For Restrictions On Childhood Imagination
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