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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Scientific Advancements

Recently Unearthed E-Mail Reveals What Life Was Like In 1995
Funny Monkey Tested On
Revlon Forced To Test Cosmetics On Plants
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
New Remote Control Can Be Operated By Remote
Archaeologist Tired Of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils
Scientists Isolate Gene Simmons
Scientists Discover Third Cindy Crawford Facial Expression
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