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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


Scientific Advancements

Recently Unearthed E-Mail Reveals What Life Was Like In 1995
Funny Monkey Tested On
Revlon Forced To Test Cosmetics On Plants
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
New Remote Control Can Be Operated By Remote
Archaeologist Tired Of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils
Scientists Isolate Gene Simmons
Scientists Discover Third Cindy Crawford Facial Expression