Scientific Breakthroughs

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Scientific Breakthroughs

Defense Department Boosts Funding For $15 Billion Puppy Crusher
New Solar System Discovered Four Feet From Earth
Stephen Hawking Builds Robotic Exoskeleton
Comb Technology: Why Is It So Far Behind The Razor And Toothbrush Fields
Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity
Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks'
Third-Grade Scientists Successfully Vaporize Water
Mad Scientist's Plot Thwarted By Budget Cuts
Celine Dion Secluded In Lab Developing New Perfume
Coke-Sponsored Rover Finds Evidence Of Dasani On Mars
Mischievous Raccoon Wreaks Havoc On International Space Station
John Glenn Installed In Smithsonian