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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Super Bowl XLVI Preview Guide

Patriots QB Tom Brady: Although the Patriots quarterback is better than you and everyone you know in every conceivable way, he's beginning to look like kind of a dandy fop with all those rings he loves so much.
Giants QB Eli Manning: The Giants quarterback may end up being considered greater than his brother, mostly thanks to how stupid people are. Has no idea how he won the Super Bowl that one time, or got laid that one time either.
Patriots WR Wes Welker: Welker prances around neatly out there, but often has that annoying look on his face where it's not all bloody and smashed in. Is the Super Bowl when Welker is finally broken in two like a popsicle stick?
Giants WR Victor Cruz: The receiver's big play ability means he's a threat to make Eli Manning look like he knows what the fuck he's doing at any minute. That "Ooo" sound? Actually, half the crowd is booing him at any given time.
Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski: Lots of football intelligence, though no intelligence for anything else, plus the hands of a wideout and the body of a huge wideout. Sometimes misses blocks when he's busy scoring a touchdown.
Giants RB Ahmad Bradshaw: This big running back is unparalleled in his ability to establish the disappearance of his team’s rushing game, but has yet to score a touchdown in games in which Giants score less than 6 points.
Patriots DT Vince Wilfork: Fun fact—Wilfork is the only defensive player left from the last Giant-Pats Super Bowl and also the only one who's any good. He's also just so rotten stinkin' cute! Damn it, screw the Patriots.
Giants DE Jason Pierre-Paul: The supremely talented defensive end has multiple swim moves and first names at his disposal, but will most likely soon be replaced by the next model of dominant Giants defensive end.
Patriots Coach Bill Belichick: The kind and benevolent Patriots coach is beloved by all who meet him, and all America is rooting for him to win this one. His only flaw may be letting his work get in the way of finding true love.
Giants Coach Tom Coughlin: Video evidence confirms this elderly man was on the sidelines for all of the Giants' recent wins, and a check with the front office indicates he claims he once coached something called the "Jacksonville Jaguars."

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