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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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The 6 Best Dresses At The Golden Globes

'Game Change' star Julianne Moore wowed in her elegant black and white ensemble that proved to be the perfect blend of modern and avant-garde.
Blonde and beautiful Claire Danes' red Versace perfectly showed off her winning figure just weeks after giving birth to her son. Simply stunning!
Presenter Jessica Alba steamed up the red carpet in this coral-hued, mermaid-style Oscar de la Renta gown. And check out that stunning diamond necklace and glamorous feathered clutch!
'Lincoln' star Sally Field proved that veteran actresses still know a thing or two about fashion, as the 66-year-old turned more than her share of heads in this sleek cap-sleeve Alberta Ferretti.
Yow! Red carpet mainstay Angelina Jolie impressed as usual with an open-back, high-slit Vera Wang original that didn't leave much to the imagination. Brad's a lucky man!
Touchdown! 'Silver Linings Playbook' leading lady Jennifer Lawrence wasn't afraid to show off her curves in this stunning Marc Jacobs strapless.
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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