adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
End Of Section
  • More News

The 8 Worst-Dressed At The Papal Conclave

We love that Cardinal Ranjith took a chance on this look, but the execution is a major fail. The cape needs to be hemmed, the cross is dangling all over the place, and that boxy floor-length robe isn’t doing his figure any favors.
Cardinal Martinez’s stylists must have taken the day off, because it’s unusual for this holy fashion maven to make a faux pas. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: Busy embroidery is conclave kryptonite!
Is this a sacramental vestment or an old bedspread? We can’t tell.
Liturgical vestment, embossed stole, AND headdress? Overkill. Always best to keep it simple at the conclave.
Someone needs to tell Cardinal Scherer he’s not in his 20s anymore. These vestments scream rising cardinal, not esteemed clergyman.
Red before Easter? Better luck next time, Cardinal Schonborn.
Paging 1995!
The homage to Cardinal Niccolo Fieschi is cute, but the volume on this frock just isn’t working for Cardinal Onaiyekan, who should really stick to the slimming, streamlined ensembles he’s known for.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close