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The Land Of The Free: 10 Ways You KNOW You’re Living In The Greatest Country On Earth

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.
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The Land Of The Free: 10 Ways You KNOW You’re Living In The Greatest Country On Earth

You place your hand on your heart and sing with fervor whenever you hear the stirring opening line of the national anthem: “Around our flag we stand united / With one wish and one goal”
You’ll NEVER forget the names of the Founding Fathers, from Ismail Qemali, to Luigj Gurakuqi, to Dom Nikollë Kaçorri.
November 28 just isn’t Independence Day without family, fireworks, and a big plate of tavë kosi.
You KNOW never to get on the Adriatic–Ionian motorway past 4 p.m.
You are proud to live in the home of the last remaining Balkan lynx.
You perform the dance of Osman Taka every year to commemorate the legendary Cham Albanian leader’s stay of execution under Ottoman imprisonment, when he performed this dance so beautifully that he warmed his captors’ hearts.
You’re totally sick of the Kejsi Tola song “S’jemi më atje.”
You know that it isn’t summer without Lake Skadar. Fun-filled July weekends on this Ramsar-listed wetland of international importance are about as synonymous with the summer season as Pogonishte dancing and walnut cake.
You salute the ol’ red and black wherever you see it flying. These colors don’t run.
No matter whom you voted for, you support your president. Especially if it’s President Bujar Nishani, kicking ass and transitioning the Albanian economy to a free market model since July 2012.

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