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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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The Police Blotter

Investigators Blame Stupidity In Area Death
Midwest Peace Talks Shattered By Illinois Toll-Booth Bombing
NYPD Apologizes For Accidental Shooting-Clubbing-Stabbing-Firebombing Death
'Six Flags Killer' Still At Large, Say Souvenir-Bedecked Police
Disgruntled Ninja Silently Kills 12 Co-Workers
Unknown Gunman In Hardee's Parking Lot On Verge Of International Prominence
Murder Suspect To Be Tried By Media: Overworked Justice System Grateful For Help
Nation Shocked By Pre-Natal Shooting

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