The Roast of Ahmadinejad

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City Adds Some Big Concrete Stairs

They’re For Sitting On Or Running Up Or Something

CHICAGO—Noting the structure’s considerable size and prominent location in a busy public park, local residents confirmed Tuesday that the city had installed some big concrete stairs that were probably for sitting on or running up or something like that.
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TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

The Roast of Ahmadinejad

"I was worried Mahmoud might be acquiring weapons of mass destruction, so I went to speak to his wife about what he might be packing. Based on her information, I've informed my top generals to be on the lookout for an incoming weapon that only appears in the morning, launches too early, and veers to the left." -Pervez Musharraf
"Look at all you silly assholes that came out tonight. Looks like Newsweek threw up in here. If you're all here, I wonder who's running your countries. Course, I wonder that all the time." -Vladimir Putin
"Did you catch Blair trying to pronounce 'Ahmadinejad?' I haven't seen Tony struggle with a mouthful like that since the last time Bush 'briefed him on the war effort,' if you catch my drift." -Kofi Annan
"As a Jew, it's a real honor to be standing in front of the president of Iran. And don't worry if I die up here, Mahmoud—you can just deny it later." -Gilbert Gottfried
"Jesus, Mahmoud. You are one hairy bastard. You look like a gorilla got a bad toupee, a Brooks Brothers charge card, and figured out how to rig an election." -Margaret Thatcher
"It sure is great to see you here tonight in Geneva, Mahmoud--because otherwise who knows what the heck you'd be up to." -King Abdullah