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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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The Top 10 Celebrity Pip Blips

When it comes to pip blips, Megan Fox takes the cake. Case in point.
Woah! Looks like Keira Knightley ordered up an extra-large order of pip blip, with extra pip.
That’s a SERIOUS pip blip!
Perpetually blip-prone actress Christina Aguilera has a major pip-up while stepping out with gal-pals in New York. Blipped again.
Melissa McCarthy wasn’t afraid to let a pip blip on the red carpet. Talk about a mip trip!
Forget about pip blips. Check out the chip sip on Laura Dern.
What’s flipping hot, has yip-a-licious snips, and rhymes with Plennifer-Ganiston-quip-whip? Why, a Jennifer Aniston pip blip, of course! And none too wibbly, either!
Hold on a sec...is that a kip gip plip or a hip sip tip we’re seeing?
What’s a pip-loving flip-gripster like TV legend Alan Alda doing at a notably blipless film premiere? Why, breaking out a diptastic blipshow, of course! A mip to that tip!
Rip quip sip tip wip chip klip lip? Pip wip dip dip, my flip dip. Pip pip pip blip bip wip dip. Gip it. Gip it and flip it.
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