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The Top 10 Celebrity Pip Blips

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Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.
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The Top 10 Celebrity Pip Blips

When it comes to pip blips, Megan Fox takes the cake. Case in point.
Woah! Looks like Keira Knightley ordered up an extra-large order of pip blip, with extra pip.
That’s a SERIOUS pip blip!
Perpetually blip-prone actress Christina Aguilera has a major pip-up while stepping out with gal-pals in New York. Blipped again.
Melissa McCarthy wasn’t afraid to let a pip blip on the red carpet. Talk about a mip trip!
Forget about pip blips. Check out the chip sip on Laura Dern.
What’s flipping hot, has yip-a-licious snips, and rhymes with Plennifer-Ganiston-quip-whip? Why, a Jennifer Aniston pip blip, of course! And none too wibbly, either!
Hold on a sec...is that a kip gip plip or a hip sip tip we’re seeing?
What’s a pip-loving flip-gripster like TV legend Alan Alda doing at a notably blipless film premiere? Why, breaking out a diptastic blipshow, of course! A mip to that tip!
Rip quip sip tip wip chip klip lip? Pip wip dip dip, my flip dip. Pip pip pip blip bip wip dip. Gip it. Gip it and flip it.

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