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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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The Top 10 Prevented Nip Slips

Actress Jennifer Lawrence is wearing a dress in this shot, but if she wasn’t then it would be a MAJOR nip slip!
Good thing Jennifer Aniston’s under and outer garments thwarted a pesky nip from popping out!
Paul Reiser’s body was blocking a Helen Hunt nip slip during this 1996 promotional photoshoot for Mad About You.
Here’s a really zoomed-in photo of Eva Longoria’s dress, but, nope, not quite any nipples in sight here.
Worcester, MA paralegal Jennifer Akin just dodged a nip slip of epic proportions!
Whoever lives here should be glad they stayed home today!
TV legend Alan Alda was careful to wear a suit and tie during his walk down the red carpet, preventing the world from seeing those nips!
We almost photoshopped nipples on this tree, but then decided not to.
Over 1.3 billion nip slips here, but fortunately none of them visible from space.
Not a nip slip to be found!
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