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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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The War On Terror

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U.S. Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We’re At War With
Privileged Children Of Millionaires Square Off On World Stage
Starving, Bandaged Bin Laden Offers U.S. One Last Chance To Surrender
Entrepreneur Stuck With 40,000 Unsold Bin Laden Urinal Cakes
Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason
Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason
Body Of Missing Mad Magazine Reporter Found In Blecchistan
Second Birthday In A Row Ruined By Terrorism
Report: Al-Qaeda Allegedly Engaging In Telemarketing
Kevin Bacon Linked To Al-Qaeda
Bill Of Rights Pared Down To A Manageable Six
Report: Al-Qaeda May Be Developing ‘Dirty Soldier’
Orange Alert Sirens To Blow 24 Hours A Day In Major Cities
Orange Alert Sirens To Blow 24 Hours A Day In Major Cities
Department Of Homeland Security Deputizes Real Mean Dog
Relations Break Down Between U.S. And Them
Flash-Animated Osama Bin Laden Captured
Report: 9/11 Commission Could Have Been Prevented
Report: 9/11 Commission Could Have Been Prevented
Organizers Fear Terrorist Attacks On Upcoming Al-Qaeda Convention
Organizers Fear Terrorist Attacks On Upcoming Al-Qaeda Convention

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