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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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The War On Terror

U.S. Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We’re At War With
Privileged Children Of Millionaires Square Off On World Stage
Starving, Bandaged Bin Laden Offers U.S. One Last Chance To Surrender
Entrepreneur Stuck With 40,000 Unsold Bin Laden Urinal Cakes
Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason
Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason
Body Of Missing Mad Magazine Reporter Found In Blecchistan
Second Birthday In A Row Ruined By Terrorism
Report: Al-Qaeda Allegedly Engaging In Telemarketing
Kevin Bacon Linked To Al-Qaeda
Bill Of Rights Pared Down To A Manageable Six
Report: Al-Qaeda May Be Developing ‘Dirty Soldier’
Orange Alert Sirens To Blow 24 Hours A Day In Major Cities
Orange Alert Sirens To Blow 24 Hours A Day In Major Cities
Department Of Homeland Security Deputizes Real Mean Dog
Relations Break Down Between U.S. And Them
Flash-Animated Osama Bin Laden Captured
Report: 9/11 Commission Could Have Been Prevented
Report: 9/11 Commission Could Have Been Prevented
Organizers Fear Terrorist Attacks On Upcoming Al-Qaeda Convention
Organizers Fear Terrorist Attacks On Upcoming Al-Qaeda Convention

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