adBlockCheck

Those We Lost In 2011

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Those We Lost In 2011

Sherwood Schwartz: "Brady Bunch" creator Sherwood Schwartz died in 2011. He is survived by a vase that is currently being glued back together.
Andy Rooney: In 2011, keyrings with too many keys on them finally took their revenge by brutally murdering the commentator.
Steve Jobs: Apple’s visionary CEO who tragically died before realizing his lifelong dream of an even slightly thinner MacBook.
Ryan Dunn: This beloved Jackass star’s flame may have sputtered out all too soon, but his memory will burn forever in our hearts.
Kevorkian: Blood Clot That Assisted Jack Kevorkian's Death To Serve Jail Time

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close