Those We Lost In 2012 

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Where Your Political Donation Goes

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Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

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Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

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Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

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Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

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Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.
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Those We Lost In 2012 

Dick Clark: Died on April 18 at the age of 82, following a lifelong 2.6-billion-second countdown.
Daniel Day-Lewis: The British actor once again became lost in his role in this year’s Lincoln. Brilliant!
Mike Wallace: The famed journalist died after accidentally swallowing the 60 Minutes stopwatch.
Dr. Leonid Pavel: Pavel, a Russian nuclear physicist with expertise in activating fusion reactors, died this year during the siege of Gotham. Authorities suspect he was murdered by Bane.
Arctic Glacier #11188586: This 40,000-year-old block of ice disappeared after thirty years of thinning ozone over the arctic.
Sally Ride And Neil Armstrong: The legendary astronauts died within just a few weeks of each other, and we’re supposed to believe it’s a coincidence. What’s NASA hiding?
Walter Cronkite: Cronkite actually died in 2009, but you know what? It still hurts.
Adam Yauch: The Beastie Boys rapper, known by his stage name “MCA,” died in May after uttering his dying wish for thousands across the nation to sing “Sabotage” at karaoke that weekend.
Mom’s Friend From College: Mom hadn’t talked to her in years, but she still took it pretty hard.


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