adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Those We Lost In 2013

Margaret Thatcher: The Iron Lady passed away in April of this year, making her the UK’s first-ever dead female prime minister.
Charlie Trotter: The famed chef died at the age of 54 and generously donated his body to culinary science.
Annette Funicello: Funicello, who died at the age of 70 this year, is best remembered as the illegitimate daughter of Mickey Mouse.
Tom Clancy: On October 1, 2013, the nation said goodbye to the last living member of the Rat Pack.
One Lucky Reader: By clicking on this slide, you’ve entered in a contest to be killed by The Onion before the end of the year! Check on December 31 to see the lucky winner’s face added to this slideshow.
Doris Lessing: Flung from a roller coaster at Six Flags in Dallas.
Dennis Farina: His tragic death in July makes him the latest victim of the Reindeer Games curse.
The singing, dancing flowerpot munchkin from ‘The Wizard Of Oz’: The singing, dancing flowerpot munchkin from The Wizard Of Oz captured our hearts and is now shut away in complete blackness beneath the earth.
PNV J20233073+2046041: The white dwarf exploded in August after reaching a peak magnitude of 4.3. It is survived by the rest of the Delphinus constellation.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close