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Those We Should Have Lost In 2012

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Those We Should Have Lost In 2012

Northern Sportive Lemur: Scientists aren’t sure how these primates have held on for so long. This guy should have kicked the bucket already.
Grandpa Jerry: He is 94 and just sitting on a big pile of money he’s not doing anything with. Come on, already.
Neil Armstrong’s Wife: Only because it would have been poetic, you know?
Guy Crossing Street In Traffic: Who does he think he his? Lucky he didn’t get himself killed.
Michael Clarke Duncan: What’s that? He did die? That’s too bad.
Sgt. Nicholas Brody: Homeland writers so could have killed him off. They know they could have. Would have made the show much better, too. But they pussied out. Of course.
Me: It should have been me. It should have been me!
Danny: After he knocked Dad’s camera off the table and broke it, we all thought he was going to be dead meat.

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