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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Top 10 Most Adorable Dogs!

Adorable! This cute little lady doesn’t even know she’ll have to be put down in a year due to the ittiest-bittiest little bone cancer.
Somebody wants a nice ol’ belly rub! Better give him one now—none of these big guys ever see their 8th birthdays.
Awwww…who has bilateral hip dysplasia?
Who’s a good boy who only has three years left? You’re a good boy who only has three years left! Yes you are!
Woof! Woof! Good ol’ Buster wouldn’t be so happy if he knew about all the heartworms in his chest.
Don’t you worry your head about this guy; he’s just taking a little doggy nap!
Don’t you just want to snuggle up with that little furry face? You’ve got 15 months. Clock’s ticking. By the way, that dog in the previous image was dead.
Television legend Alan Alda sure isn’t a dog, but he’s already 77! We give old Hawkeye eight more years, tops!
This sweetheart just had a birthday! Hope you got a big ol’ bone for the occasion, lil’ missy—we’re thinking it’ll probably be your last!
Cute. The mother will die Nov. 8, 2014. Other death dates are listed from left to right. Puppy #1 (Aug. 24, 2019, cancer), Puppy #2 (Sept. 4, 2022, uncontrollable epilepsy), Puppy #3 (tomorrow, car), Puppy #4 (tomorrow, same car).

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