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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Top 10 Most Adorable Dogs!

Adorable! This cute little lady doesn’t even know she’ll have to be put down in a year due to the ittiest-bittiest little bone cancer.
Somebody wants a nice ol’ belly rub! Better give him one now—none of these big guys ever see their 8th birthdays.
Awwww…who has bilateral hip dysplasia?
Who’s a good boy who only has three years left? You’re a good boy who only has three years left! Yes you are!
Woof! Woof! Good ol’ Buster wouldn’t be so happy if he knew about all the heartworms in his chest.
Don’t you worry your head about this guy; he’s just taking a little doggy nap!
Don’t you just want to snuggle up with that little furry face? You’ve got 15 months. Clock’s ticking. By the way, that dog in the previous image was dead.
Television legend Alan Alda sure isn’t a dog, but he’s already 77! We give old Hawkeye eight more years, tops!
This sweetheart just had a birthday! Hope you got a big ol’ bone for the occasion, lil’ missy—we’re thinking it’ll probably be your last!
Cute. The mother will die Nov. 8, 2014. Other death dates are listed from left to right. Puppy #1 (Aug. 24, 2019, cancer), Puppy #2 (Sept. 4, 2022, uncontrollable epilepsy), Puppy #3 (tomorrow, car), Puppy #4 (tomorrow, same car).
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