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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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Top 10 Most Adorable Dogs!

Adorable! This cute little lady doesn’t even know she’ll have to be put down in a year due to the ittiest-bittiest little bone cancer.
Somebody wants a nice ol’ belly rub! Better give him one now—none of these big guys ever see their 8th birthdays.
Awwww…who has bilateral hip dysplasia?
Who’s a good boy who only has three years left? You’re a good boy who only has three years left! Yes you are!
Woof! Woof! Good ol’ Buster wouldn’t be so happy if he knew about all the heartworms in his chest.
Don’t you worry your head about this guy; he’s just taking a little doggy nap!
Don’t you just want to snuggle up with that little furry face? You’ve got 15 months. Clock’s ticking. By the way, that dog in the previous image was dead.
Television legend Alan Alda sure isn’t a dog, but he’s already 77! We give old Hawkeye eight more years, tops!
This sweetheart just had a birthday! Hope you got a big ol’ bone for the occasion, lil’ missy—we’re thinking it’ll probably be your last!
Cute. The mother will die Nov. 8, 2014. Other death dates are listed from left to right. Puppy #1 (Aug. 24, 2019, cancer), Puppy #2 (Sept. 4, 2022, uncontrollable epilepsy), Puppy #3 (tomorrow, car), Puppy #4 (tomorrow, same car).
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