Top Quotes Of '2012'

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 51

2012 In Technology

The debut of the iPhone 5, the landing of NASA’s Curiosity rover on the surface of Mars, and the discovery of what is likely the Higgs boson were all major events this year.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Top Quotes Of '2012'

President Thomas Wilson: “I'll be the last president of the United States of America. Do you know how that feels, son?”
Charlie Frost: “I’m watching the earth crumble before my eyes.”
Jackson Curtis: “The critics said I was a naïve and unabashed optimist, but what do they know, right?”
Laura Wilson: “All those people we left behind, they don’t stand a chance, do they?”
Carl Anheuser: “Our mission is to ensure the continuity of our species.”
Tony Delgatto: “I was too late.”
President Thomas Wilson: “Today we are one family stepping into the darkness together.”
Dr. Adrian Helmsley: “The moment we stop fighting for each other, that’s the moment we lose our humanity.”
Jackson Curtis: “We’re gonna all stay together no matter what happens.”
Lilly Curtis: “No more pull-ups.”
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More