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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Video Games

Second Nintendo Controller Sits Unused
Video-Game Characters Denounce Randomly Placed Swinging Blades
Video-Game Violence Blamed In Giant-Robot Shooting Spree
Local Man Exhausted After Long Day Of Video Games
Video-Game Character Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses 'Continue'
Ghost Of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions Of PlayStation 5
Depressed Roommate Hitting The GameCube Pretty Hard
Atari Releases Updated Adventure Video Game
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