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Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Video Games

Second Nintendo Controller Sits Unused
Video-Game Characters Denounce Randomly Placed Swinging Blades
Video-Game Violence Blamed In Giant-Robot Shooting Spree
Local Man Exhausted After Long Day Of Video Games
Video-Game Character Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses 'Continue'
Ghost Of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions Of PlayStation 5
Depressed Roommate Hitting The GameCube Pretty Hard
Atari Releases Updated Adventure Video Game

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