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Group Of Christie Campaign Deserters Found In Forest

SHAMONG, NJ—Huddling together around fires of burning yard signs while sipping small rations of soup from mugs adorned with the phrase “Telling It Like It Is,” a ragged encampment of advisers, pollsters, and volunteers who deserted Chris Christie’s presidential campaign was reportedly found living deep in a New Jersey forest Friday, authorities confirmed.

How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

It’s not easy to decide when and how to have a discussion with children about sex, and many parents wonder how explicit they should be or where to establish boundaries. Here are The Onion’s tips for having “the talk” with your kids:

How To Reform The Nation’s Prison System

With pressing issues such as overcrowding, overuse of solitary confinement, and the long-term incarceration of nonviolent offenders, many critics of the nation’s prison system are calling for sweeping reforms. Here are some of the proposals to improve the prison system:

Sight Of 400 War Elephants On Horizon Marks Hillary Clinton’s Arrival In Swing State

WHEELING, OH—Feeling the earth shake beneath them as they watched the procession climb over the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains toward their village, sources along the Ohio border confirmed Thursday that the sight of 400 war elephants marching on the horizon marked Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s arrival to the critical swing state.
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War On Drugs

First Place Cops Looked Was Inside AT-AT
Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion
Study: High Times Not A Gateway Magazine To Harder Readings
Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High
DEA Seizes Half-Built Suspension Bridge From Bogotá To Miami
Stoner Regales Friends With Tale Of This One Bong He Saw In Iowa City Once
Drug Paraphernalia Visible In Photo Of Missing Cat
Drugs Now Legal If User Is Employed
Bush Vows To Wipe Out Prescription-Drug Addiction Among Seniors
Huge Quantities Of Primo Shit Incinerated By Feds