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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Who Said It: Kanye West Or An Instruction Manual For The Cuisinart CRC-400 Electric Rice Cooker?

“Place rice in cooking bowl and add liquid to appropriate line marking.” Who said it?
Answer: Cuisinart Rice Cooker Manual
“Cover the cooking bowl with lid. Make sure the steam vent is facing toward the back of the unit.” Who said it?
Answer: Cuisinart Rice Cooker Manual
“Once the rice is cooked, the unit will automatically switch to the Warm setting and the Warm LED will be illuminated until the unit is unplugged.” Who said it?
Answer: Cuisinart Rice Cooker Manual
“Wipe base of unit with a soft, damp cloth or microfiber towel. NEVER IMMERSE BASE OF UNIT IN WATER.” Who said it?
Answer: Cuisinart Rice Cooker Manual
“Preprogrammed settings include sushi rice, brown rice, regular rice, soft grains, slow cooking (for stews and soups), steaming (for vegetables and seafood) and quick cooking.” Who said it?
Answer: Cuisinart Rice Cooker Manual
“One cup of uncooked rice makes approximately three cups of cooked rice.” Who said it?
Answer: Cuisinart Rice Cooker Manual
“If you are experiencing problems with your Cuisinart product, we suggest that you call our Consumer Service Center at 1-800-726-0190 before returning the product for servicing.” Who said it?
Answer: Kanye West quoting from the Cuisinart Rice Cooker manual in his Grammy acceptance speech for My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
“Fluff rice with paddle or utensil suitable for nonstick cookware.” Who said it?
Answer: Cuisinart Rice Cooker Manual
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