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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Your Top 10 Favorite 'Mad Men' Characters

Sandy Bench: Her longstanding secretarial rivalry with Joan has offered some of the drama’s most memorable moments, including the iconic typing contest between the two in Season 3.
Wyatt Berkeley and Jessica Rogers: The young creative duo’s on-again, off-again romance has always been a staple of the Mad Men storyline, with many eagerly waiting for the outcome of last season’s finale that ended with Jessica’s pregnancy.
Marcia Jennings: The question on everyone’s lips this year is whether or not Marcia’s new job title will finally give her the power and money needed to break away from her controlling father’s grip and stand up to Pete. Guess we’ll have to keep tuning in to find out!
Eric Middlevich: TV viewers were pretty intrigued when this smooth-talking ad exec from a rival company was able to steal Don’s Pine-Sol account in Season 5. Since his debut, many Mad Men fans have been clamoring to know more about his backstory.
Helen Whitman: Having only appeared in a series of dream sequences so far, many Mad Men fans expect Don Draper’s long-lost sister to play an important role in Season 6.
Dick Parks: Peggy’s infamous Season 2 fling with newspaper reporter Dick may have ended poorly, but his time on the screen just kept viewers wanting more.
Cheryl Donavan: Don’s high-school sweetheart just won’t go away. And, personally, we hope she never does.
Kip Callahan: Our favorite shy but extremely talented copywriter at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Will he ever build up enough courage to show Don his mockups for Baskin-Robbins?
Caleb Rawlings: No Mad Men favorite character list would be complete without Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce’s longtime art director showing up here. With his sarcastic wit and formidable talent, Rawlings is expected to be as as cunning as ever around the office this season.
Tim Morris: Often called the heart and soul of Mad Men, actor Jason Barbadoro returns to his breakout role as the young advertising executive. Will he be able to lead Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce Morris into the next decade?
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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