What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

Tips For Successful Campus Activism

With protests effecting change at colleges and universities across the country, many students are looking to follow the example and bring awareness to causes of their own. Here are The Onion’s tips for successful campus activism

Retired S1Ws Recalled To Active Duty

STRONG ISLAND, NY—Citing a decline in recruitment since the apocalypse of '91, Public Enemy leaders have recalled S1Ws in an effort to combat the current Mess Age.
End Of Section
  • More News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now. “We’re all absolutely throbbing,” said president Susan N. Herman, confirming that Trump’s discriminatory prohibition had made the organization so stiff, its pants were this close to bursting. “At this point, it’s almost painful how engorged we are. Seriously, you could hang a coat hanger on this thing.” The ACLU acknowledged, however, that while it was fully and massively erect, it was unlikely to enjoy any kind of release until 2020 at least.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.