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How To Consume Spicy Foods

Spicy foods continue to grow in popularity, whether they agree with your palate or not. Here are some tips on how to avoid social awkwardness while consuming spicy dishes: Assure your palate you mean it no harm by giving it a little kiss before ea...

How To Rise To The Challenge

Life doesn't always go the way you plan. Sometimes, an obstacle comes along—be it at work, in your home life, or elsewhere—that you need to overcome.

Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage

CONCORD, NH—According to sources, the deteriorating 10-year-old marriage of Dale and Gina Byer will somehow be magically restored this weekend by a zip-lining excursion to the mountains of northern New Hampshire.

Family Takes Rare Trip To The Good Mall

CORAL GABLES, FL—In a noteworthy departure from their usual shopping routine, the Dietrich family announced today that they would forego the regular mall near their home in favor of the good mall, located 45 minutes away.

Mom Has Some Wild New Ideas For Dressing Son This Year

TIGARD, OR—"Well, you know how boys are," said Karen Dougherty, as she carefully hemmed the cuffs on a pair of baby-blue corduroys. "If Michael had his way, he'd probably run out the door every day in a T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

Area Eccentric Reads Entire Book

GREENWOOD,IN—"Instead of spending hours on YouTube every night, Mr. Meyer, unlike most healthy males, looks to books for gratification," said one psychologist.

Pentagon Announces Plans To Close Camp Snoopy

BLOOMINGTON, MN—The Pentagon announced Monday that Camp Snoopy, the largest indoor family theme park in America, is one of 34 major bases scheduled for closing as part of a vast military repurposing and realignment designed to save almost $50 billion.
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‘Back To Dock’ Voted Most Popular Destination Among Current Rowboat Passengers

WINTER PARK, FL—Coming in first by a significant margin, “back to dock” was voted the most popular destination among passengers currently on a rowboat, according to a poll released by Boating Magazine on Tuesday. “Far surpassing other options such as ‘a little farther out’ or ‘over there in the sun,’ ‘back to dock’ was the overwhelming choice among the thousands of rowboat passengers we surveyed,” said editor-in-chief Kevin Falvey, explaining that it was popular not only among people who were tired after having rowed for a while but also those who had not been working the oars themselves and simply decided they were ready for lunch. “‘Back to dock’ was also surprisingly prevalent among many who had left the dock just minutes earlier, citing reasons such as the heat, mosquitoes, seasickness, and not really having wanted to be on a rowboat in the first place.” A related poll reportedly found that the most popular destination among current Jet Ski operators was “10 feet from those swimmers.”

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Area Eccentric Reads Entire Book

GREENWOOD,IN—"Instead of spending hours on YouTube every night, Mr. Meyer, unlike most healthy males, looks to books for gratification," said one psychologist.

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