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Family Chooses Different Dog Than Reincarnated Grandfather

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Popular Designer Dog Breed Just Twisted Spinal Cord Attached To Collapsed Lung

NEW YORK—Growing quickly in popularity following its official recognition by the American Kennel Club last year, the Toy Whiffle—a floppy-eared collapsed lung loosely attached to a severely twisted spinal column—is now one of the most sought-after designer dog breeds in the country, according to an AKC survey published Thursday.

Grizzly Bear Catches Spawning Michael Phelps In Jaws

KENAI, AK—Sitting on a rock atop the powerful, churning rapids, a grizzly bear reportedly caught Michael Phelps in its jaws Tuesday as the sexually mature Olympian leaped out of the water while swimming upstream to spawn.

Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

Ethical Hunter Throws Duck He Shot Back Into Sky

PEPIN, WI—Taking care to restore the bird to its natural habitat in a timely manner, ethical hunter Rick Streeter threw a mallard duck back into the sky Monday shortly after shooting it, sources confirmed.

Mom Keeping Tabs On Coyote Situation

WAYZATA, MN—Regularly updating her husband and children on the frequency and location of sightings around the neighborhood, local mother Dana Salisbury continued to keep close tabs on the coyote situation this week, sources confirmed.
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Family Chooses Different Dog Than Reincarnated Grandfather

ORLANDO, FL—Saying they instantly fell in love with the good-natured golden retriever, members of the Judd family reportedly chose Thursday to adopt a different dog from an animal shelter than their reincarnated grandfather. “Right when we walked into the shelter, this little terrier jumped up on us and barked and started licking the kids, but we really had our hearts set on a golden named Buddy,” said father Marcus Judd, who decided against adopting the “too high-strung” Scottish terrier that bears the reborn soul of his father, Bernard Judd, who passed away two years ago. “That terrier was cute and really seemed to like us. But my youngest daughter was a little scared of him, so we went with Buddy. He’s just the perfect fit for our family.” At press time, the family had reportedly administered medicine to their new pet, quickly killing their grandmother who had been reincarnated as a roundworm.

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