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Greyhound To Send Chimps On Pioneering Bus Trip From Buffalo To Atlantic City

Interstate Voyage Seen As Step Toward One Day Placing Humans On Route

DALLAS—In order to assess the viability of the route for potential travel by human beings, Greyhound officials announced at a press conference Wednesday a mission that will send a pair of chimpanzees on a pioneering 457-mile overland bus trip from Buffalo, NY to Atlantic City, NJ.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Report: Tiger That Mauled Roy Horn Still Struggling To Find Work

LAS VEGAS—Fearing the regrettable incident from his past would continue to follow him for the rest of his life, white Bengal tiger Montecore confirmed Friday he was still struggling to find work after mauling magician Roy Horn during a show at the Mirage casino in 2003.

Whale Won’t Shut Up About Time It Was Beached

ATLANTIC OCEAN—Noting that the marine mammal looks for any excuse to bring up the incident, sources confirmed Friday that a local humpback whale still won’t shut up about the one time he was beached.
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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School. “It was such an honor to have Bo Obama encouraging these fresh-faced young pups to seize their future and sit, stay, or heel as instructed,” said Dayton Obedience School administrator Hannah Muley, noting that the former first dog was the school’s most notable speaker since Moose from Frasier addressed graduates in 1998. “It was incredible to hear Bo’s stories about his time in Washington and how the impulse control skills that he learned at our institution helped him overcome the adversity he faced at the White House. Here was living proof that no goal is out of reach if you’re a good dog, such a good dog.” The speech was not welcomed by all, however, as several of the graduating canines reportedly walked out in protest due to Bo’s controversial stance on neutering.

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Report: Tiger That Mauled Roy Horn Still Struggling To Find Work

LAS VEGAS—Fearing the regrettable incident from his past would continue to follow him for the rest of his life, white Bengal tiger Montecore confirmed Friday he was still struggling to find work after mauling magician Roy Horn during a show at the Mirage casino in 2003.

Whale Won’t Shut Up About Time It Was Beached

ATLANTIC OCEAN—Noting that the marine mammal looks for any excuse to bring up the incident, sources confirmed Friday that a local humpback whale still won’t shut up about the one time he was beached.

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