Apple Fans Demand Other Products They Can Feel Directly Against Skin At All Times

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Features Of The Apple Car

After dominating sales of smartphones, tablets, and other electronics, Apple is reportedly secretly designing its first car, code-named Titan.

Apple Releases Brief, Fleeting Moment Of Excitement

CUPERTINO, CA—Ending weeks of anticipation and intense speculation, tech giant Apple unveiled a short and fleeting moment of excitement to the general public Tuesday during a media event at its corporate headquarters.

Apple Unveils Panicked Man With No Ideas

CUPERTINO, CA—At a highly anticipated press event at its Silicon Valley headquarters Tuesday afternoon, tech giant Apple officially unveiled to the public a panicked and completely idea-free man. The white, ultrathin man, who exhibited such features...

Features Of The Lower-Cost iPhone 5C

In addition to unveiling the new flagship iPhone at a press event Wednesday, Apple CEO Tim Cook debuted a more affordable version of the device called the iPhone 5C, which is clad in a plastic casing and is available in a variety of colors.
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Apple Fans Demand Other Products They Can Feel Directly Against Skin At All Times

SAN FRANCISCO—Following Monday’s unveiling of the highly anticipated Apple Watch, fans of Apple across the nation reportedly called on the company to manufacture more products that they can feel pressed against their skin at all times. “The watch is a good start, but I need as many devices as possible to be directly in contact with my flesh, like lightweight tablets I can strap to my legs or some kind of Apple chestplate I can wear under my shirt,” said 28-year-old Robert Klinman, echoing the sentiments of millions of Americans who said that any portion of their skin not in contact with an Apple product felt raw and exposed. “Maybe some kind of flexible Apple scarf, or even a full-body LCD sheet I could wrap my body in over and over, and that I’d never have to take off to sync up to my laptop. I mean, can you imagine anything more comforting than the warmth of your Apple pajamas as they gently charge through the night?” At press time, Apple consumers confirmed they would do their best with existing technology by wearing an Apple Watch and simply leaning their cheek against an iPad when they got lonely.

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