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Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.

Area Woman Not Good Enough Artist To Justify Eccentricities

SANTA FE, NM—Admitting they could understand such oddball behavior from someone with an amazing creative vision, sources close to area painter Dina Paulson told reporters Tuesday that the 34-year-old woman is not nearly a good enough artist to justi...

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Area Man Gets Terrible Creative Juices Flowing

SLIDELL, LA—Local man Timothy Nolan announced Friday that after initially struggling to get into the right frame of mind for a new project, he had finally gotten his horrible creative juices flowing.

Little Clay Thing Bought At Arts Festival

EUGENE, OR—A small, somewhat spherical clay thing with various types of decorations on it was purchased Friday at the ninth annual Eugene Arts Festival, sources confirmed. The clay thing, which was covered in some sort of shiny glaze, was selected f...

Timeless Masterpiece Liked

SANTA CLARA, CA—City Lights, the eternal Charlie Chaplin classic heralded by film scholars as a poignant and seminal work of...

Struggling Museum Now Allowing Patrons To Touch Paintings

NEW YORK—"At first it just looked like a picture of a bunch of lily pads," Gerard Schmidt, a retired banker said of Monet's Water Lilies. "But then I started scraping at it with my pocket knife and the whole painting just sort of spoke to me."
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DNC Aiming To Reconnect With Working-Class Americans With New ‘Hamilton’-Inspired Lena Dunham Web Series

WASHINGTON—Saying the new effort would help them make critical inroads with low-income rural voters following a stunning election loss last week, the Democratic National Committee announced the launch of a new Hamilton-inspired web series Tuesday starring Lena Dunham intended to connect with working-class Americans and address their most pressing concerns. “We’re hoping to make up the ground we lost with white working-class voters and union members who once made up our base with a new 10-part hip-hop musical set in rural Wisconsin, featuring a down-on-her-luck manufacturing worker played by Lena Dunham,” said DNC interim chair Donna Brazile, who added that, in an effort to appeal to economically distressed voters, each episode would see the protagonists tackle a different theme, such as taxes or free trade, through the choreography of five-time Tony winner Susan Stroman. “We are confident that with the help of Josh Gad, Debra Messing, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and the creative team behind The Mindy Project, we can bring Americans who feel like they have been left behind by globalization back to the Democratic Party. Viewers will also have the chance to win a trip to be in the audience at a live TED Talk taping if they share the series on Instagram, which we believe will draw considerable interest across the nation’s heartland.” Brazile added that the web series would be available exclusively through Seeso and HBO Go.

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