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Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

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Area Woman Not Good Enough Artist To Justify Eccentricities

SANTA FE, NM—Admitting they could understand such oddball behavior from someone with an amazing creative vision, sources close to area painter Dina Paulson told reporters Tuesday that the 34-year-old woman is not nearly a good enough artist to justi...

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BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

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Audio Guide Clearly Hates Degas

LOS ANGELES—According to museumgoers at Los Angeles' Getty Center, an automated audio guide for the 19th-century Impressionism art gallery...
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Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday. “We were already heading over to the Goya stuff, but then we looked back and saw Dad still standing next to the first Rembrandt painting, staring pretty hard at the description on the wall,” said Schermeier’s daughter Laura, noting how her father at several points glanced back and forth between the plaque and the painting as he took in facts about the scene depicting the mythological warrior Palamedes, who helped lead the Greek forces in the Trojan War, genuflecting at the feet of the legendary king of Argos. “His face couldn’t have been much more than a foot away from the plaque, and I think he may have even started nodding a little as he read. I honestly don’t even know how long he was there, because by the time he finished up, we had already moved on to another room.” At press time, Schermeier had reportedly taken out his phone and snapped a picture of a larger multi-paragraph plaque describing Frederic Remington’s process of casting bronze sculptures to read later.

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