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Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.

Area Woman Not Good Enough Artist To Justify Eccentricities

SANTA FE, NM—Admitting they could understand such oddball behavior from someone with an amazing creative vision, sources close to area painter Dina Paulson told reporters Tuesday that the 34-year-old woman is not nearly a good enough artist to justi...

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Area Man Gets Terrible Creative Juices Flowing

SLIDELL, LA—Local man Timothy Nolan announced Friday that after initially struggling to get into the right frame of mind for a new project, he had finally gotten his horrible creative juices flowing.

Little Clay Thing Bought At Arts Festival

EUGENE, OR—A small, somewhat spherical clay thing with various types of decorations on it was purchased Friday at the ninth annual Eugene Arts Festival, sources confirmed. The clay thing, which was covered in some sort of shiny glaze, was selected f...

Timeless Masterpiece Liked

SANTA CLARA, CA—City Lights, the eternal Charlie Chaplin classic heralded by film scholars as a poignant and seminal work of...
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Trump Says Wasteful NEA Hasn’t Produced Single Valuable Work Since Claes Oldenburg’s ‘Giant Three-Way Plug’

WASHINGTON—Defending his proposed elimination of the federally funded agency, President Donald Trump told reporters Thursday that the wasteful National Endowment for the Arts hasn’t even produced a single valuable work since Claes Oldenburg’s Giant Three-Way Plug. “We have not seen one single NEA-backed project come close to justifying its cost since the Swedish-American sculptor debuted his Pop Art masterpiece in 1970, challenging the way we grapple with questions of industrialization and decay,” said Trump, adding that taxpayer dollars shouldn’t support an organization whose body of work includes such underwhelming artistic efforts as the Joffrey Ballet’s The Rite Of Spring and the entirety of the Hudson Valley Shakespeare Festival. “Sure, William Bolcom’s Songs Of Innocence And Of Experience moved me at times, but for every Pulitzer Prize–winning composer the NEA supports, it also funds 20 more derivative jazz quartets. Enough is enough.” Trump went on to say that PBS’s Evening At Pops, which ended in 2005, was the network’s last example of worthwhile programming.

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Area Woman Not Good Enough Artist To Justify Eccentricities

SANTA FE, NM—Admitting they could understand such oddball behavior from someone with an amazing creative vision, sources close to area painter Dina Paulson told reporters Tuesday that the 34-year-old woman is not nearly a good enough artist to justi...

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