Paranoid Oscar Pistorius Still Thinks Burglar After Him

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Insisting that the dangerous individual could be literally anywhere right now, a paranoid, wild-eyed Oscar Pistorius was reportedly overheard muttering to his defense lawyers numerous times during his murder trial Thursday tha...

Women In Motorsports

In honor of this year's Indy 500, the first to feature three female drivers, Onion Sports looks at some other great moments for women in motorsports history.

Bill Parcells: 'I've Always Hated Football'

DALLAS—In the last press conference Bill Parcells would give this year after leading the Cowboys through a frustrating 9-7 season and an excruciating first-round playoff loss to the Seattle Seahawks, the hard-nosed coach surprised reporters...
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Mother Of MMA Fighter Recalls Son Punching, Kicking Shit Out Of Everything From Early Age

SACRAMENTO, CA—Saying that his natural gifts were evident as soon as he started crawling, Jessica Enos, the mother of mixed martial arts fighter Cody Garbrandt, told reporters Thursday that her son began punching and kicking the shit out of everything from an early age. “Even as a baby, he was constantly whaling on his teddy bear with his fists and slamming the other stuffed animals up against the slats of his crib,” Enos said of the 25-year-old UFC bantamweight champion, adding that as a toddler he quickly developed a passion for sprinting across the living room and spearing his brother’s chest with his head. “Every time I turned around he was bashing his full body weight into the sofa or choking out one of the neighborhood kids in the backyard. Once he started going to school, the teachers all told me that he was clearly the best at roundhouse kicking his classmates in the face.” Enos then added that she would never forget the day she watched her son finally beat his dad in their driveway.

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