Driving Vs. Public Transportation

Weighing factors such as convenience, time commitment, and environmental impact, deciding whether to commute via car or public transit can be difficult. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options

Motorcyclist Salvaged For Parts

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Following a multiple-vehicle accident on Interstate 90 that temporarily halted traffic in both directions, sources reported Friday that a motorcyclist involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts.

Car Buying Tips

Buying a car is a huge financial investment, and it’s important to make sure you’ve taken the right steps to finding the most affordable and convenient vehicle for you. Here are some tips for picking out and purchasing a car:

Features Of The Apple Car

After dominating sales of smartphones, tablets, and other electronics, Apple is reportedly secretly designing its first car, code-named Titan.

Family Lets Cars Come Inside House During Snowstorm

AMHERST, MA—In anticipation of significant snow accumulation and frigid temperatures brought on by a massive winter storm, the Wallace family reportedly decided to let their cars come inside the house Monday to keep warm during the blizzard.

Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat

WASHINGTON—Saying that the rising price of the commodity has begun to “burn their gumlines,” millions of American lunatics admitted this week that they have been struggling to afford adequate amounts of car meat, an essential staple of the lunatic diet.

Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda

LONGMONT, CO—In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name.
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The Pros And Cons Of Self-Driving Cars

With Uber’s robot cars debuting this week in Pittsburgh, many wonder whether driverless technology will improve or endanger our lives. The Onion weighs the pros and cons of self-driving cars:

  • Pro
    • Can finally spend quality time fiddling with radio knobs

    • Cities with poor public transportation given the opportunity to dump the systemic problem onto Google or whoever

    • Frees up drivers to be obscene and aggressive toward each other in all sorts of new ways

    • Massive savings on steering wheel maintenance

    • No longer necessary to put life at risk each time you want to adjust the wrapper on your cheese and bacon melt

    • History has proven that new technological advancements never have any unintended fallout

    • Don’t have to do thing you previously had to do

  • Con
    • Drag races only capable of ending in moderately paced ties

    • Parents miss out on cherished tradition of improperly teaching child how to parallel park

    • Not yet confirmed whether they come in blue

    • Science fiction writers forced to come up with new lazy shorthand for futuristic landscape

    • Won’t get to threaten truant police officers with six weeks of traffic duty anymore

    • Majority of Beach Boys catalog now irrelevant

    • Someone definitely going to hack these things


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