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automotive

The Pros And Cons Of Self-Driving Cars

With Uber’s robot cars debuting this week in Pittsburgh, many wonder whether driverless technology will improve or endanger our lives. The Onion weighs the pros and cons of self-driving cars

Driving Vs. Public Transportation

Weighing factors such as convenience, time commitment, and environmental impact, deciding whether to commute via car or public transit can be difficult. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options

Motorcyclist Salvaged For Parts

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Following a multiple-vehicle accident on Interstate 90 that temporarily halted traffic in both directions, sources reported Friday that a motorcyclist involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts.

Car Buying Tips

Buying a car is a huge financial investment, and it’s important to make sure you’ve taken the right steps to finding the most affordable and convenient vehicle for you. Here are some tips for picking out and purchasing a car:

Features Of The Apple Car

After dominating sales of smartphones, tablets, and other electronics, Apple is reportedly secretly designing its first car, code-named Titan.

Family Lets Cars Come Inside House During Snowstorm

AMHERST, MA—In anticipation of significant snow accumulation and frigid temperatures brought on by a massive winter storm, the Wallace family reportedly decided to let their cars come inside the house Monday to keep warm during the blizzard.

Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat

WASHINGTON—Saying that the rising price of the commodity has begun to “burn their gumlines,” millions of American lunatics admitted this week that they have been struggling to afford adequate amounts of car meat, an essential staple of the lunatic diet.
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Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

  • Pro
    • Having to wait for the car to charge would be a fresh new excuse for being late to work

    • Silent engine makes startling rollerbladers much easier

    • Driving one makes up for every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life

    • In the event of a car accident, a lithium-ion battery explosion would be way cooler than regular old gas explosion

    • Handles smoothly on both highway and ex’s lawn

    • Goes “beep beep” just like real car

  • Con
    • Not available as a 1976 Chevy Mustang

    • Scientists not yet certain if it’s safe to drive in the rain

    • The phrase “fill ’er up” could fall out of use completely

    • Koch brothers have already been through a lot lately

    • Having to ask around to find out if anyone has an electric car charger on them pretty inconvenient

    • Could prolong the presence of human beings on planet Earth

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Features Of The Apple Car

After dominating sales of smartphones, tablets, and other electronics, Apple is reportedly secretly designing its first car, code-named Titan.

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