Bloated Obama Delivers Press Conference From Couch Behind Podium

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Features Of The Obama Presidential Library

Barack Obama announced Tuesday that his presidential library will be built on the South Side of Chicago, with construction on the ambitious project due for completion by 2020 or 2021. Here are some features the new library will contain

Keystone Veto Buys Environment At Least 3 Or 4 More Hours

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing the numerous ecological benefits of blocking the proposed legislation, experts confirmed Wednesday that President Obama’s decision to veto the Keystone XL pipeline bill should buy the environment an additional three or f...
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Bloated Obama Delivers Press Conference From Couch Behind Podium

WASHINGTON—Taking slow, labored breaths while clutching his distended abdomen, a bloated President Obama delivered a press conference Wednesday while seated on a couch several feet behind the podium in the White House briefing room. “Good afternoon, everybody—ugh, Jesus, gimme a sec,” said a wincing, perspiring Obama before emitting several low groans. “Oh, man. Whoa. Okay, I’ll take some questions now—hang on, hang on. Jesus, I feel like I’m gonna pop.” At press time, Obama had concluded the briefing by slowly rolling over on the cushions and burying his face in a pillow.