Mark McGwire Confident He Could Still Disgrace Game At High Level Today

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Billy Crystal Tearfully Admits He’s Never Seen, Been To A Yankees Game

‘I Don’t Even Know What The Yankees Are,’ Crystal Says

NEW YORK—Admitting that he could simply no longer continue living a lie, veteran actor, comedian, and self-professed New York Yankees fanatic Billy Crystal tearfully confessed Thursday that he has never seen or attended a single Yankees game in his life, and indeed has absolutely no idea who or what the Yankees even are.

Jayson Werth Catches Foul Ball Without Spilling Beer

WASHINGTON—In an incredible play that drew cheers from the whole stadium, Washington Nationals left fielder Jayson Werth managed to catch a foul ball Tuesday night without spilling the beer he was holding in his other hand.
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Mark McGwire Confident He Could Still Disgrace Game At High Level Today

LOS ANGELES—Despite retiring from the sport 14 years ago, 52-year-old former All-Star hitter Mark McGwire confidently told reporters Friday that he could still disgrace baseball at the highest level today. “I might not be what I once was, but I could definitely get out there on the field and completely tarnish the reputation of the sport just like I used to,” said McGwire, adding that while he enjoys working as a hitting coach for the Dodgers, he is often nostalgic for the days when he would wake up every morning, lie to teammates and fans, and let down everyone connected to baseball. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered coming back for another season to destroy the legacy of an entire generation of players. Look, I’m confident in my abilities, and there’s no doubt in my mind that I could go out there tomorrow and deliver a few huge blows to the credibility of Major League Baseball.” McGwire conceded, however, that even in his prime, he couldn’t disgrace the game as much as current New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez.