Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?
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MLB Umpires Admit Pitchers Throw Way Too Fast To Actually See Ball

NEW YORK—Describing the task of calling balls and strikes as mostly guesswork, MLB umpires admitted Thursday that pitchers throw way too fast for them to actually see the ball. “The ball is pretty small and it’s moving really quickly, so even when I’m watching super closely, it’s still impossible to tell,” said home plate umpire Scott Glennon, who further echoed the sentiments expressed by most of his colleagues by adding that pitches like sliders and curveballs move all over the place, making it even harder to tell what happened. “It’s good when the catcher reaches really far away from the plate so I know that it’s probably a ball, or if the batter swings and misses so I don’t have to pretend I knew where the ball went. Otherwise I just have to signal real emphatically to convince everyone I saw it.” Glennon also admitted that, like most of the league’s umps, he simply alternates back and forth between calling “safe” and “out” for every close play at the plate.

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