MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners. “Gosh, I just hope I don’t say anything stupid to them,” said Bell, who was reportedly concerned about coming off as too eager to talk as well as running out of things to say, especially when interacting with some of the league’s more veteran players. “Am I supposed to talk about the game, or are we supposed to discuss other stuff? I don’t want to seem overly friendly, but I also don’t want to seem like an idiot by acting tough or whatever. Maybe I’ll just play it cool and not say anything.” At press time, Bell was mentally berating himself for blurting out “nice hit” to Braves right fielder Nick Markakis after he took a base on balls.

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