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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Report: Pickup Basketball Player Too Sweaty To Guard

MEMPHIS, TN—Allowing his competitive spirit to give way to revulsion, local 27-year-old Philip Rayburn reported Thursday that a fellow pickup basketball player was too sweaty to guard. “I know I need to stay on him when he starts trying to back me down in the post, but I really don’t want to touch his sopping wet back,” said Rayburn, who on no less than six occasions passively gave up the lane rather than risk banging into the sweat-drenched man barreling toward him. “I don’t even like boxing him out on rebounds because he just drips down on top of me. Christ, I can’t even hand check him without getting wet.” At press time, the man had reportedly just returned from a water break dripping from the mouth with a combination of drool, sweat, and Gatorade.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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